幸福又离我而去了:'(

Browsing through my Friendster because nothing better to do,
saw all the comments you wrote for me in the past,
so much of happiness in the past, so much of sweetness that I’m really afraid of getting diabetes in future!

But if I could, I would rather let the time stop at that moment.



Do guys know what makes a girl feel bad?
Is that when a girl really thought of crying, feel like crying, she doesn’t have any tears anymore. :’(
Is that when a girl really thought of putting everything in, giving in so much, loving the guy even more, control her bad temper more, shut herself no matter how unhappy she is, give her boy whatever he wanted, sacrifice everything just to see her guy, could make a guy dotes on her more, love her even more, give her more of his attention, make him stay with her, but yet she find that things doesn’t turn out to be what she hoped. :’(
Is that when a girl is really that tired out, that sick, but yet she waited for her guy to call after his work just to chat a lil while, but ended up quarreling, ended up got blame for being quiet. :’(
Is that when everything she did, the 1st thing that came over her is her guy, her guy’s family, but ended up, everything went wrong. :’(
Is that when she realize she have to accept whatever it is happening to her, making her tired, sick, disappointed, because she can’t let go off her guy. :’(
Is that when she knows that 幸福其实根本就不属于她的，she still tries very hard to get her happiness, tries very hard to grab hold of it. But she found out that she couldn’t :’(

Squatting down in the toilet just now, smoking, felt very terrible, but yet no tears are rolling down her cheeks, took a penknife, but din injured myself, hit the wall, but doesn’t feel pain at all.

Thinking back of the 1st time he called me using his buddy’s phone, at that point of time, I’m crying in the toilet, smoking, cutting myself, hitting the wall, he was worried and called me up, consoling me, trying to cheer me up and he even wanted to come down to look for me in the middle of the night. He was concern about me, worried about me, but now everything was changed. When I’m down, he no longer tried to cheer me up, he no longer come down to accompany me, he no longer give me a hug. :’(.

Looking at myself now, crying on my bed, crying in the blanket, without anyone realizing, typing while crying making my keyboard wet. Asking myself. why haven I grown up a lil? Why am I still doing stuffs that I had been doing for past 10yrs? Why am I still so useless when I am in a relationship? Why am I the only one who got blamed whenever things got wrong? Am I really at fault for everything that happened tonight? Why must everything turn out this way? What more should I do to keep my happiness with me?
I don’t know.

Hais, I really don’t know anything anymore.
I’m really very tired. :’(

& I’ve got no idea why I am falling sick so often, maybe due to bad weather? Maybe is too tired emotionally? Maybe is my body telling brain is time to take a break from everything?
I don’t know.

I’m breaking down real soon. :’(
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幸福到底是什么?
爱情到底是什么？
难道就像他们所说的，我这种人是不可能得到永远的爱情和幸福的? :’(

我不懂 !!