我自己的幸福，我要自己争取。

back posting!
budd doesnt know what to start of with..
so many stuffs running in my mind~
wana scream on top of my voice!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~
budd doesnt haf th chance to.. ;(

on sunday~
[BROKE & PATCHED]
suppose to be a Happy Mummy Day Celebration..
budd i ruined it..
i know imm very bad to choose th day to say this kind of stuff with him..
tried to control..budd i lost it..
couldnt control..
anyway..
these few days, many ppl scold me..blame me for hurting him again..asking me y i like tat..?
budd i really din mean it too..
who knows what imm gg through also? who knows what imm thinking?No one what.?
i know he treats me very well & i know what causes us to be like that
imm at fault too.i admit, imm a coward whenever there is a problem, i will
try to avoid~avoid~avoid~ budd yet i regreted in th end & tried to save back.
thats me. isn't it? at least imm trying to save back isn't it? lols..
budd of cosh i know, its too late.. .. .. ..

Had a chat with him on sunday,

he say " 你不觉得now 的我，当你说break，我就说ok ，break lorh break lorh."
my thoughts : when i heard this, my heart broked x/3.turn dumb..cant think of anything to say anymore..
cosh i know, i got no right to.. we total, broke 3 times.. n imm th 1 who say 2 times out of 3.. :'(

he say " imm trying very hard to be a good brother, good son & a good boyf."
my thoughts : i know yoo are trying very hard to be a good bro,good son & good bf..budd i oso
know yoo tried harder to be a good bro & good son.isn't it?

he say " becox of our r/s, i neglected my family, my sibilings. & now imm trying hard to improve to be a better bro & son, am i wrong?"
my thoughts : no.. yoo are not wrong.. imm wrong for keeping my boyf to myself in th past budd nvr let
yoo to accompany with yor family more..imm wrong to be selfish & jealous over your family...

he say "becox of our breakups, i understand that, gf will leave one day budd family doesn't"
my thoughs : true barhs. your family have always been there for yoo, imm always the one saying
wanting to leave yoo budd again n again i cant leave yoo.. haiish.. sorry :'(

he say " 2 more big blow, i will let the monster in me out, once its out, i will hack care alot of stuffs."
my thoughts : it will be my fault if th monster of yoo come out.. isn't it? *blaming myself*

he say " actually there should be 3 more big blow, budd cosh of watever happen just now, it become
2 & it will not increase back anymore."
my thoughts : really felt very sad to hear this.. budd since it cant increase back anymore.. i can only help to
maintain it?..using my best...

yup, this is what happen on sunday..
& from there i tink i learn & understand alot of stuff.
mayb i have grow up? mayb imm acting to be a grown up?
mayb cosh i think too much, i finally get to know what i actually wanted in
the end from this r/s..from him..
i have decided to put in everything, whether i can do it or can't, whether i
like whatever imm dg or i hate whatever imm dg..i will still try my best to
give him whatever he wants from me.. eventhough i know the more i give,
he will ask for even more.. humans, not only him..including me is the same..
bud now, i won't ask him for any 100% anymore.. not 100% of time, not 100% of love, not 100% of care, not 100% of concern, not 100% of understanding, not 100% of dotes, not
100% of loyalty.. everything that he gave me doesn't nid to be 100% anymore.. cosh i know.. as long as i wan this r/s to last.. as long as i wan this r/s to be a happy one.. i can't. budd
whatever it is, i will try my best to be more understanding towards him.. & be there for him whenever he needs me..

eventhough this r/s might not turn out to be what i hoped for..
might get hurt again & i can't stand up anymore..
might get betrayed.. so on n so for..
budd i know at least i wont regret, at least i know that imm always giving him my best to be a good girlfriend of his.

so peeps!
wish me best of luck yahs?
:DD

刘美珍，你一定要让他幸福哦 ! ^.^

& imm so excited about Saturday!

gonna cycle? gonna sing k? gonna lie on th floor looking at the shining stars?

& just most importantly,

its just,

HIM & ME.