Hello bloggy!
Miss me or not? D:
Anyway you all could just ignore whatever I am going to post now, as it is just gonna be a FUCKING LONG POST.
I am back blogging again as I feel that there is a need for me to let out some stuffs that have been kept in me, running in my mind & I didn’t know who could I turn to & so here I am. So for people, who hate this, could just close this as it doesn’t really matters to me if anyone reads it or not.
Quarrel with boyf again 2 days ago, which is our 21st monthsary. Shouting like nobody business at the void deck in the night & went home after an hour later. Many memories that I had with him flashing back in my mind. I guess there is no way for us to improve on the relationship anymore. Many things proved that we aren’t suitable at all. We don’t compromise like how we did in the past. We stand firm in our own stand. He got back his man’s dignity and me, fighting for my rights.
As we got together longer, we changed the way like how we used to be treating each other. For me, I don’t feel the same anymore. For him, I don’t know and I don’t want to assume. & for now, I don’t have the trust in him anymore. I don’t have faith in him, in this relationship. I stated very clearly in my previous post when we had similar arguments.
I don’t want to get hurt. Even before we step into this relationship, I made my stand very clear. I don’t ever want to get hurt again & he promised he won’t be the one hurting me. But of cause, i don't deny i hurt him too.
& of course I guess he should be very honored. He is the 1st boyf that made me lost control in front of my siblings. & now I really believe in the saying that, when a guy is wooing a girl, he made promises, he sweet talks, he give in 100%, he do whatever the girl likes. But once he got the girl, all the promises got broken. All the sweet talks became hurtful. All the effort he put in became a dream for the girl. Why would I say this? Cause this is how I feel.
He asked, “Can you talk like an adult? You are talking like a child!” He said, “Think whatever you like, feel whatever you want lurhs hoh, you happy 就好 lurhs hoh!” He said, “You broke your promise, and you said empty promise.” He said, “I have been coming down to Tampines for past 2 weeks!” He asked, “My family don’t need to see me ah?” He asked, “Don’t you think that you are very bo liao?” He said, “I feel that I had spent enough time with you already.” He said, “If sleep over your house is very irritating of me then I won’t be sleeping over!” He asked, “When I am talking & you cut me, don’t yourself rude?!” He asked, “Can’t you make up your mind earlier? Every time also last minute! If you tell me earlier I could have plan right?!” He asked, “What is the difference with saying now and after 12am?” He said, “Say now lurhs, once & for all, I don’t want and I won’t quarrel.” He asked, “Am I wrong to spend my father birthday with him and skipped your family event?!” He said, “You made me like a fool!” He said, “Don’t be silly, for Chinese new year I will be with you all as my family members are going M’sia!”
My mind thinking “FUCK YOU LURHS!” you want to quarrel with me on anniversary then come lorhs. You want to count right? Then let’s count from the day we started in this relationship lorhs! You dare to ask me that question? (“My family doesn’t need see me ah?”) *FUCK SHYT* you only didn’t go home for a day & you dare ask me that question?! I SPEND 1-2MONTHS AT SENGKANG BEFORE YOU GO IN NS, EVERYDAY AFTER WORK I GO OVER SENGKANG! EVERY OFF DAY I STAYED OVER AT YOUR PLACE! MY FAMILY MEMBER DOESN’T EVEN GET TO SEE ME AT HOME AT ALL FOR 1-2MONTHS! & for a day at my place only you dare to ask me that question?! ROFL! & for 2 weekends of coming down to Tampines you feel very proud of it? You want count with me right? Let’s count! How many times had I gone down to SengKang for the past 21 months! How many times had I stayed over at SengKang?!
I changed my mind last minute of not going down to your place, is there anything wrong? Didn’t you inform me last minute too that you won’t be coming over my place for Xmas party cause of your dad birthday?! Isn’t that last minute too?! & for goodness sake! They even prepared your presents lurhs let alone food! So don’t come to me saying, “make me go home alone with full of rice!” when in the 1st place, you didn’t even ask me whether I am going over for dinner a not lurhs okay?! & please you dare ask me since when you give me empty promise? For how many times you gave me empty promise and for how many times I gave you empty promise?! You want compare? ROFL! & you asked me to say whatever I am unhappy with once and for all, you won’t quarrel with me right? Then please lurhs! Aren’t we quarreling once I say out everything? If like that not call quarreling then I don’t know what we are like anymore!
& of course you have got no wrong in staying home for your father birthday celebration! OF COURSE YOU GOT NO FAULT! But are you trying to tell me that your family is more important than mine. Or are you trying to tell me that I am wrong; I am foolish to skip my mother’s birthday for your sake? Like I said before, your whatever family events, gathering, birthday celebration, I HAD TO BE THERE! Why? Cause they, including you, wanted me to me there! & I have to skip all my family events, birthday celebrations, gathering! & you can’t do that for my sake. Of course I didn’t say you are at fault. But I am totally disappointed in you that, whatever I could do and sacrifice for you, you can never do it the same for me too! And I will be looking like a fool listening to your NEXT TIME, NEXT TIME & NEXT TIME! Which don’t even happen? LOLS! & please man! Don’t take my family as spare tyre man! Only when your family got no events, no gathering, not in Singapore you will think of my family. As a boyf of mine, that’s how you treat my family. Really thanks so much huh! You are the best boyf I ever had man!
& please lurhs am I wrong to avoid quarreling on the anniversary since it should be a happy one. & am I wrong to say that we will quarrel if I were to say whatever I am unhappy with? & of course for me I don’t think its wrong of me to say I will say after 12am as I don’t want to quarrel on our anniversary! & do I really sound like a kid this way? I don’t fucking understand man!
& you asked me to think whatever I want, feel whatever I feel right, I happy can le?! OF COURSE I WILL MAN! Cause I fucking understand and know that my bestest boyf doesn’t give a damn to how I feel and what I think! My bestest boyf doesn’t care, aren’t bothered and don’t give a damn about me! & FUCKING SHYT! I have to think and feel for myself to minimize the hurt for myself that you created!
Oh. So with 1 day with me, you feel that’s enough time spent together? Alright then! Thanks for all the shits you had been saying to me when you are in the camp and in the past. Need me to spell out everything? I DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND MAN! When we spend everyday together, you can bloody hell tell me that you are sorry that you don’t spend enough time with me. When you are in the camp, you can tell me how sorry you are to not able to spend the day with me when it’s our anniversary! & when you are out of the camp, you can tell me you feel that it’s enough to spend a day with me and a fucking good excuse using your family in front of my mum to go back early like 6pm when you don’t even need to book in on that day & its our anniversary! & WHEN I ASK YOU, YOU SAID YOU DON’T KNOW!! ROFL! Nice one man! So look! Who is the kid huh?! ROFL!
& its not that I want to say you are irritating when you are staying over at my place! But look! I did say that you sleep on my brother’s bed! But my bodohsis says she wants to use the computer! So it would be very cramp for you to sleep on my brother’s bed! So I asked you to sleep on my bed! & what did you say? You said, “so high, I sleep will drop down of the bed lurhs, I so fat later the bed collapse how? Etc.” Don’t you find yourself very naggy?! You don’t like people to nag at you, SO DO I! Then I ask you to sleep on my sister bed, you say I give you attitude! I ask you lurhs. You can say my friend ma fan when she come my house to sleep, she here can’t, there can't. Think about it yourself lurhs. You, yourself said and did the same thing! ROFL!
& you said I was rude to cut you when you are talking right? Please look into the mirror yourself! You cut me too when I am talking! I didn’t say you & you dare to say me?! Are you any much better than me not?! ROFL!
& guys are really guys. Really think that everything will be ok after a night of sleep? I don’t know why there is a sudden change in you over a night. You can be the one shouting at me previous night, and next day, you can take as if nothing had happen before. You continue to talk to me like normal, you didn’t kao-pei me that I didn’t talk to me as much like before, you keep finding stuffs to ask me even though my answer is only ya, okay, orh, oh, got, haven, don’t have, etc. Don’t you find yourself funny? Whatever reasons you have got for this sudden change over a night, it doesn’t applies to me & I am unable to do it. I am not avoiding to talk to you, just that I have got nothing to say anymore.
I don’t know whether you will see this or not, but doesn’t really matters to me. Happy in seeing this update of MY blog, not happy with this update of MY blog, doesn’t really matters to me. & even if you read this, happy or unhappy. Whatever you think, whatever you feel. You 爽就好 lorhs.
Remember what I said on the phone chat? I said, “How you treat me, will be how I treat you.” You said, “Don’t you think you very bo liao meh? Don’t talk like a kid, in a relationship keep on thinking about revenge, revenge & revenge!!” & this is my reply to you. “how you treat me will be how I treat you” this sentence is taught by you. Think back to the quarrel we had around 6months ago. This is what you said to me. I am just repeating what you have said. So when you say I am childish, don’t you think you are worst? Can you are a guy. Whatever you said about me, you did it before. Then why don’t you say yourself as childish? Whatever you use to chak me, I will do it back to you. Not revenge, but teaching a small little boy, not to messed with Jolanda jiejie.
Please re-call your memory, & tell me who is the childish one, the one who doesn’t want to compromise, the petty one, the wrong and the right one. If it’s my fault I won’t deny, if it isn’t then don’t push the blame to me. & if it’s really my fault, explain in logic to me and I will apologize.
As my bestest boyf, you should know that when you are good to me, I will pay you back in double. But if you aren’t good to me, don’t expect me to do the same to you. This relationship isn’t a game of revenge. All I wanted is simple and you choose not to give it to me even when you can. You made the choice; or rather we made the choice, & it was wrong.
I truly regretted to pull you back to me when you choose to leave me again n again. I regretted to hold you close to me again n again. But yet, I can’t bear to let go. Contradicting right? Lols! We have got many things to work on, but yet we no longer choose to put in any effort. I don’t know why we are still on this relationship when none of us give in to each other to maintain this relationship of ours. I won’t deny, the feeling I had for you did faded after all the hurtful quarrels. But maybe you will, I can imagine you saying I putting words into your mouth. But all I can say is, the feeling you gave me isn’t the same anymore. I no longer feel that you love me as much as before. I no longer feel secure beside you. I no longer have trust and faith in whatever you try to sweet talk. & now I can imagine you asking what I want from you now. Lols! But again, I choose not to answer this question. Because I had repeated many times, and I don’t want to repeat anymore.
I tried to give all I had to you, I don’t expect any in return, but I hope this relationship could be fair. Fair to us, to everyone around us. Even though this relationship is ours & not others, but we can’t deny the fact that people around us does affect our relationship. We can’t ignore them. Especially is our family member. & I do know your family matters a lot to you, even though my family side doesn’t mind that you don’t spend time with them, but please, as a human, spare a thought for them and don’t take my family as spare tyre. I seriously HATE that! Just imagine I do that and said that to you and your family, how would you feel? I’m not trying to be selfish here. But I guess I did put in a lot of effort for your family, & I hope you too try to put in some effort for my family. & that would be appreciated.
Okay, enough of my complaints! & I feel much better now!
Bloggy is always my best friend listening to all the complaints I have got! D:D:
Bye♥
Miss me or not? D:
Anyway you all could just ignore whatever I am going to post now, as it is just gonna be a FUCKING LONG POST.
I am back blogging again as I feel that there is a need for me to let out some stuffs that have been kept in me, running in my mind & I didn’t know who could I turn to & so here I am. So for people, who hate this, could just close this as it doesn’t really matters to me if anyone reads it or not.
Quarrel with boyf again 2 days ago, which is our 21st monthsary. Shouting like nobody business at the void deck in the night & went home after an hour later. Many memories that I had with him flashing back in my mind. I guess there is no way for us to improve on the relationship anymore. Many things proved that we aren’t suitable at all. We don’t compromise like how we did in the past. We stand firm in our own stand. He got back his man’s dignity and me, fighting for my rights.
As we got together longer, we changed the way like how we used to be treating each other. For me, I don’t feel the same anymore. For him, I don’t know and I don’t want to assume. & for now, I don’t have the trust in him anymore. I don’t have faith in him, in this relationship. I stated very clearly in my previous post when we had similar arguments.
I don’t want to get hurt. Even before we step into this relationship, I made my stand very clear. I don’t ever want to get hurt again & he promised he won’t be the one hurting me. But of cause, i don't deny i hurt him too.
& of course I guess he should be very honored. He is the 1st boyf that made me lost control in front of my siblings. & now I really believe in the saying that, when a guy is wooing a girl, he made promises, he sweet talks, he give in 100%, he do whatever the girl likes. But once he got the girl, all the promises got broken. All the sweet talks became hurtful. All the effort he put in became a dream for the girl. Why would I say this? Cause this is how I feel.
He asked, “Can you talk like an adult? You are talking like a child!” He said, “Think whatever you like, feel whatever you want lurhs hoh, you happy 就好 lurhs hoh!” He said, “You broke your promise, and you said empty promise.” He said, “I have been coming down to Tampines for past 2 weeks!” He asked, “My family don’t need to see me ah?” He asked, “Don’t you think that you are very bo liao?” He said, “I feel that I had spent enough time with you already.” He said, “If sleep over your house is very irritating of me then I won’t be sleeping over!” He asked, “When I am talking & you cut me, don’t yourself rude?!” He asked, “Can’t you make up your mind earlier? Every time also last minute! If you tell me earlier I could have plan right?!” He asked, “What is the difference with saying now and after 12am?” He said, “Say now lurhs, once & for all, I don’t want and I won’t quarrel.” He asked, “Am I wrong to spend my father birthday with him and skipped your family event?!” He said, “You made me like a fool!” He said, “Don’t be silly, for Chinese new year I will be with you all as my family members are going M’sia!”
My mind thinking “FUCK YOU LURHS!” you want to quarrel with me on anniversary then come lorhs. You want to count right? Then let’s count from the day we started in this relationship lorhs! You dare to ask me that question? (“My family doesn’t need see me ah?”) *FUCK SHYT* you only didn’t go home for a day & you dare ask me that question?! I SPEND 1-2MONTHS AT SENGKANG BEFORE YOU GO IN NS, EVERYDAY AFTER WORK I GO OVER SENGKANG! EVERY OFF DAY I STAYED OVER AT YOUR PLACE! MY FAMILY MEMBER DOESN’T EVEN GET TO SEE ME AT HOME AT ALL FOR 1-2MONTHS! & for a day at my place only you dare to ask me that question?! ROFL! & for 2 weekends of coming down to Tampines you feel very proud of it? You want count with me right? Let’s count! How many times had I gone down to SengKang for the past 21 months! How many times had I stayed over at SengKang?!
I changed my mind last minute of not going down to your place, is there anything wrong? Didn’t you inform me last minute too that you won’t be coming over my place for Xmas party cause of your dad birthday?! Isn’t that last minute too?! & for goodness sake! They even prepared your presents lurhs let alone food! So don’t come to me saying, “make me go home alone with full of rice!” when in the 1st place, you didn’t even ask me whether I am going over for dinner a not lurhs okay?! & please you dare ask me since when you give me empty promise? For how many times you gave me empty promise and for how many times I gave you empty promise?! You want compare? ROFL! & you asked me to say whatever I am unhappy with once and for all, you won’t quarrel with me right? Then please lurhs! Aren’t we quarreling once I say out everything? If like that not call quarreling then I don’t know what we are like anymore!
& of course you have got no wrong in staying home for your father birthday celebration! OF COURSE YOU GOT NO FAULT! But are you trying to tell me that your family is more important than mine. Or are you trying to tell me that I am wrong; I am foolish to skip my mother’s birthday for your sake? Like I said before, your whatever family events, gathering, birthday celebration, I HAD TO BE THERE! Why? Cause they, including you, wanted me to me there! & I have to skip all my family events, birthday celebrations, gathering! & you can’t do that for my sake. Of course I didn’t say you are at fault. But I am totally disappointed in you that, whatever I could do and sacrifice for you, you can never do it the same for me too! And I will be looking like a fool listening to your NEXT TIME, NEXT TIME & NEXT TIME! Which don’t even happen? LOLS! & please man! Don’t take my family as spare tyre man! Only when your family got no events, no gathering, not in Singapore you will think of my family. As a boyf of mine, that’s how you treat my family. Really thanks so much huh! You are the best boyf I ever had man!
& please lurhs am I wrong to avoid quarreling on the anniversary since it should be a happy one. & am I wrong to say that we will quarrel if I were to say whatever I am unhappy with? & of course for me I don’t think its wrong of me to say I will say after 12am as I don’t want to quarrel on our anniversary! & do I really sound like a kid this way? I don’t fucking understand man!
& you asked me to think whatever I want, feel whatever I feel right, I happy can le?! OF COURSE I WILL MAN! Cause I fucking understand and know that my bestest boyf doesn’t give a damn to how I feel and what I think! My bestest boyf doesn’t care, aren’t bothered and don’t give a damn about me! & FUCKING SHYT! I have to think and feel for myself to minimize the hurt for myself that you created!
Oh. So with 1 day with me, you feel that’s enough time spent together? Alright then! Thanks for all the shits you had been saying to me when you are in the camp and in the past. Need me to spell out everything? I DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND MAN! When we spend everyday together, you can bloody hell tell me that you are sorry that you don’t spend enough time with me. When you are in the camp, you can tell me how sorry you are to not able to spend the day with me when it’s our anniversary! & when you are out of the camp, you can tell me you feel that it’s enough to spend a day with me and a fucking good excuse using your family in front of my mum to go back early like 6pm when you don’t even need to book in on that day & its our anniversary! & WHEN I ASK YOU, YOU SAID YOU DON’T KNOW!! ROFL! Nice one man! So look! Who is the kid huh?! ROFL!
& its not that I want to say you are irritating when you are staying over at my place! But look! I did say that you sleep on my brother’s bed! But my bodohsis says she wants to use the computer! So it would be very cramp for you to sleep on my brother’s bed! So I asked you to sleep on my bed! & what did you say? You said, “so high, I sleep will drop down of the bed lurhs, I so fat later the bed collapse how? Etc.” Don’t you find yourself very naggy?! You don’t like people to nag at you, SO DO I! Then I ask you to sleep on my sister bed, you say I give you attitude! I ask you lurhs. You can say my friend ma fan when she come my house to sleep, she here can’t, there can't. Think about it yourself lurhs. You, yourself said and did the same thing! ROFL!
& you said I was rude to cut you when you are talking right? Please look into the mirror yourself! You cut me too when I am talking! I didn’t say you & you dare to say me?! Are you any much better than me not?! ROFL!
& guys are really guys. Really think that everything will be ok after a night of sleep? I don’t know why there is a sudden change in you over a night. You can be the one shouting at me previous night, and next day, you can take as if nothing had happen before. You continue to talk to me like normal, you didn’t kao-pei me that I didn’t talk to me as much like before, you keep finding stuffs to ask me even though my answer is only ya, okay, orh, oh, got, haven, don’t have, etc. Don’t you find yourself funny? Whatever reasons you have got for this sudden change over a night, it doesn’t applies to me & I am unable to do it. I am not avoiding to talk to you, just that I have got nothing to say anymore.
I don’t know whether you will see this or not, but doesn’t really matters to me. Happy in seeing this update of MY blog, not happy with this update of MY blog, doesn’t really matters to me. & even if you read this, happy or unhappy. Whatever you think, whatever you feel. You 爽就好 lorhs.
Remember what I said on the phone chat? I said, “How you treat me, will be how I treat you.” You said, “Don’t you think you very bo liao meh? Don’t talk like a kid, in a relationship keep on thinking about revenge, revenge & revenge!!” & this is my reply to you. “how you treat me will be how I treat you” this sentence is taught by you. Think back to the quarrel we had around 6months ago. This is what you said to me. I am just repeating what you have said. So when you say I am childish, don’t you think you are worst? Can you are a guy. Whatever you said about me, you did it before. Then why don’t you say yourself as childish? Whatever you use to chak me, I will do it back to you. Not revenge, but teaching a small little boy, not to messed with Jolanda jiejie.
Please re-call your memory, & tell me who is the childish one, the one who doesn’t want to compromise, the petty one, the wrong and the right one. If it’s my fault I won’t deny, if it isn’t then don’t push the blame to me. & if it’s really my fault, explain in logic to me and I will apologize.
As my bestest boyf, you should know that when you are good to me, I will pay you back in double. But if you aren’t good to me, don’t expect me to do the same to you. This relationship isn’t a game of revenge. All I wanted is simple and you choose not to give it to me even when you can. You made the choice; or rather we made the choice, & it was wrong.
I truly regretted to pull you back to me when you choose to leave me again n again. I regretted to hold you close to me again n again. But yet, I can’t bear to let go. Contradicting right? Lols! We have got many things to work on, but yet we no longer choose to put in any effort. I don’t know why we are still on this relationship when none of us give in to each other to maintain this relationship of ours. I won’t deny, the feeling I had for you did faded after all the hurtful quarrels. But maybe you will, I can imagine you saying I putting words into your mouth. But all I can say is, the feeling you gave me isn’t the same anymore. I no longer feel that you love me as much as before. I no longer feel secure beside you. I no longer have trust and faith in whatever you try to sweet talk. & now I can imagine you asking what I want from you now. Lols! But again, I choose not to answer this question. Because I had repeated many times, and I don’t want to repeat anymore.
I tried to give all I had to you, I don’t expect any in return, but I hope this relationship could be fair. Fair to us, to everyone around us. Even though this relationship is ours & not others, but we can’t deny the fact that people around us does affect our relationship. We can’t ignore them. Especially is our family member. & I do know your family matters a lot to you, even though my family side doesn’t mind that you don’t spend time with them, but please, as a human, spare a thought for them and don’t take my family as spare tyre. I seriously HATE that! Just imagine I do that and said that to you and your family, how would you feel? I’m not trying to be selfish here. But I guess I did put in a lot of effort for your family, & I hope you too try to put in some effort for my family. & that would be appreciated.
Okay, enough of my complaints! & I feel much better now!
Bloggy is always my best friend listening to all the complaints I have got! D:D:
Bye♥
1st Year Anniversary *27.o3.o9*
3rd Year Anniversary *27.o3.11*