JoL says: dead in my own world =/

Morning peeps! I’m back posting!
Went MIA for like 2 weeks? Is anyone out there still reading it not? LOLS!
Anyway, I’m thinking what to blog about cause my life have been quite fuck up!
Many things running in my mind, but I didn’t know what to blog about. =/

& babes and hunk,
Is it true that when guys serve NS, they tend to change a lot?
Or is it girls are the one changing when their boyf is serving NS?

But anyway, I don’t care any more. I will just do the things I feel its right & I am happy about it. Everything, all the memories that we had for 1 year 4months+ will be thrown away. Since I am not allowed to talk about the past, make sure you don’t. & treat me the way you wan me to treat you, this is what you told me but yet you can’t do it. I’ve to change too much just to suit you & in the end this is what I deserved. This is man huh? When your girl treats you badly, treats you like a shit. You gave her everything in the world & tell her she is worth whatever you are doing. & when the girl wanted to treat you better, giving you everything she’s got, helping you to do stuffs when you aren’t around. Hoping that you will feel happier, and heartbreaks are all you could give her. & tell her cause that’s how she treats you first.

To me now, why should I do things for you which I don’t even like it? Why should I treat you better now & let you took me for granted? Why should I believe whatever you have been telling me when you are in the camp & face all this shit alone when you are out of camp? Why should I rush down to meet you when you are booking out on the day just to let you ask me when am I here, I am working the next day? Why should I rush down to meet you when you are booking in on the day just to let you hurt me again by commenting how I dressed up? Why should I quarrel with my dad & mum just because of you? Why should I be bothered when you are having diarrhea & when I am having gastric cramp you throw me alone at the back? Why should I be spending time with your family when you rather wait for me downstairs when I am preparing & not bothered to even come up & say hi? Why can’t I scold vulgarities at you when you scolded me cheebye? Why should I listen to your sorry again & again for this 1 month & listen to you saying you will treat me better for your next book out, but when you are out you treats me the same as your previous book out? Asking myself, are you worth everything I did for you for these few months after our last breakup? I don’t know...

& from now on, I will go back to the life before I know you after I got hurt by all those bastards whom I knew. I will get back on my feet alone, & depend on my own. I will no longer rely on you, depend on you, and not even a single bit.

Don’t ask me if I am ok a not? Cause the LMC in the past will not fall so easily. & don’t ask me if we are ok a not? Cause I don’t know. Don’t ask me if I love you not? It’s because love you too much and that’s why I am hurt that deep by you. & if you realize, I haven been asking you whether you love me a not, reason is not because you keep telling me you love me, but is because, I want you to show me you love me & not through telling me you love me.

But anyway, it’s no longer important already. Not because I don’t want to be with you, or I don’t love you. But I don’t want to ask anything from you & listen to all the sweet talks that will only happen for one day & everything will be back to square one…