We fight & we broke up , We kissed & we made up!

We fight & we broke up.
had a super terrible day on monday.
everyone says is my fault thats y bee ended our r/s.
giving negative comments to bee.

ask him to give up on me.
ask him to ignore me.
ask him nt to sms me.
ask him to nt care abt me anymore.
ask him to forget abt me.
ask him isit cosh he treat me too good tat i climb on top of him & shyt.

told him hw bad imm as his girlf.
told him hw much i dnt appreciate him.
told him tat there is no point holding on to this r/s, cosh imm not worth.

& etc..

TRUE.
yoo guys are trying to make him feel btr~
yoo guys wana let him oe yoo guys are there for him~
yoo guys wana cheer him up~

wad yoo all did was wad a fren should be doing.

budd since i ever heard yoo guys saying that yoo guys dont like to be judge by ppl,
then i ask yoo back,
WHO THE FUCK YOO TINK YOO ARE TO JUDGE ME OR OUR R/S ?!
HOW MUCH DO YOO KNOW ABOUT ME?!
HOW MUCH DO YOO UDS ME?!
HOW LONG DO YOO KNOW ME?!
HOW THE FUCK YOO UDS WAD IMM GOING THROUGH?!

nothing?. limited understanding?

like wad bee told me,
treat other ppl like how i wan them to treat me.
budd afterall, i dont tink things really work out that way isn't it?

I Love My Boyfriend deep inside me.
budd imm not like yoo guys including my own bf,
i dnt oe hw to show. i dnt oe hw to express.
BUDD.
I DNT SHOW DOESNT MEAN I DNT LOVE!DOESNT MEAN I DNT CARE!

i admit.
i hurt bee alot & many times i kept quiet..
budd who the fuck oe everytime i hurt him i hurt myself too?!
i know yoo all muz be tinking i 自作自受,
budd do yoo tink when one ppl is angry, letting all emotions taking over,she still can control wad is comming out of my fucking mouth?!
if yoo can, good for yoo. budd i fucking hell CANT!
who uds? who uds the pain, the stress, the pressure imm having?

& dont ever compare me with any of yor exs,
cosh i din 'zhao sai' my boyf. imm tiong xim & i can swear.
juz that th way i express is different.
& which imm trying very hard to change, trying very hard not to hurt my boyf.

anyway, i tried my best in this r/s.
juz that i dnt show, doesn't mean i dnt love him, doesnt mean i dnt protect him, doesnt mean i wana hurt him, doesnt mean i dnt care, doesnt mean i dnt mind abt his feelings.

budd of cosh, i know i cant let my past be a burden to our r/s anymore.
budd who can teach me hw to walk out of my door.
i wanted to. i tried my best to. budd i juz cant.

had a heart to heart tok with me ytd for 3-4 hrs.
i told him many of my secrets. many of my thinkings, & y did i do things in certain way that will hurt him when i dnt mean to.
& listen to what he said, i've gt no choice to admit, we have many things to worked on & immm veryveryvery sorry, cosh of my ego which i cant put down, cosh i dnt wan yoo to tink tat imm very weak, cosh of my character, cosh of my bad habit, i hurt yoo & myself.

budd i really really happy that, in the end of our chat, eventhough i kip hiding from his 眼神, he forced me to look into his eyes & tell me he believe me.

He believed that one day i would changed.
He believed that one day i would open my door & walk out to accept him.
He believed in ME.
& i tink thats enough for me.

budd oso from the chat, i really really got very dissapointed in some ppl.
cosh i always thought they will uds.
budd turn out to be no, they dont uds at all.
& they are someone who i dotes on, care for, concern for,love for.
budd i tink everything wnt be th same anymore , & i tink same things apply to them too.

ok lerhs..
thats all, hopefully things will get btr for us..
& i will try my best to control & change for btr..
& will try very hard to forget everything that happen on monday!